You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
