Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize