i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
