so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
