I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
