we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
