STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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