allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
