I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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