Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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