Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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