just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
