I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
