i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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