So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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