I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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