At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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