I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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