I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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