fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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