I hope mine doesn't look like that
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
