I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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