This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
