Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
