dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
