This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
