I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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