I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
vagina is talking i cant
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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