does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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