chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize