Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
