Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
