So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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