oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
