SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
