I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my poor anus
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me