The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him