I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible