you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
