He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.