I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.