worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My vagina just clenched in fear
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
