Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
