totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
