you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
