just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
