he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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