He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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