dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
