i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
