I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
