meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
