did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
