Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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