i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
