You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
