Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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