His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
