I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
