I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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