Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
