imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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