he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize