using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
