where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
