He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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