dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my phone needs a breathalizer
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
