My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
