So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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