You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
