Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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