If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
