Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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