How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
