Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
